Power and Love is what we are made of: the woman in Daphne (Part 4)

Daphne had come back to Vermont in the Fall of 1980, after ending her relationship with the kids' father John Flynn. She rented an apartment in Worcester. She did book-keeping for small businesses which paid her more than being a typist, which she'd never learned to do anyway. They muddled their way through, some help from the state and some odd part time jobs. John would visit sometimes, but there was no financial help from him. John was ordered to pay $15 per week for child support. For two kids? Could the mother pay only that? He payed his share for a bumping 5 weeks before he gave up. Daphne went on to manage her own life with her children.
Around summer '82 Daphne went to England for most of the school year. More book-keeping kept her going there. She likes to call it - a non-emotional job with an emotional life at home. Book-keeping was a very mechanical job with numbers. She lived in a small town, rented a house when a school friend living locally gave her deposit money. Daphne came back to Vermont in April of 1983 and rented a house owned by family friends in Worcester; the mother was very supportive of Daphne and their sons have a life-long friendship. They were born 15 hours apart in the same hospital.
Daphne earned a living as a Finance Manager in Waterbury where the company profits increased by 300% in a year. Then she taught Math and Computers at Vermont College for several years as well as a year of Math at Montpelier High School. Her kids went to elementary school in Worcester.
During these years, Daphne met a terrific group of women friends who supported each other tremendously. They were building a strong community under their feathers. Soon it was time was Daphne to buy a permanent roof over their head, which led to the search of a house and the more challenging aspect of financing the house. She has written an amazing story of trials and tribulations she went through and how the universe conspired to get her the deal she got - how the realtor, the lawyer, the banker were three different women but all compassionate of Daphne's situation, and bent the rules to make this happen. On July 30th of 1985, her 40th birthday, Daphne became the home owner of a beautiful cottage in Worcester. What an achievement for the mother hen and her youngsters. That house is where the kids grew up, went to school, had their fights, had their playtimes, certainly loved each other.
It was the year of '92 when the turn of events happened. Daphne received 3 offers in one week. The first was acceptance at a PhD program at UPenn majoring in Financing of Higher Education, the second one was to be Associate Executive Director at Farm and Wilderness Foundation and the third was as Financial Manager at Vermont Housing and Conservation Board, where she'd been contracting for a while.
Any guesses on which job she took? This was her first venture to be a professional into the world of non-profit organizations. She became the Associate Executive Director, which included business management, at the Farm and Wilderness camps in Plymouth. She enjoyed her work, learned a lot, and her kids came too, each in their own appropriate summer camp and her in a cabin. They'd bought another house by winter but kept the Worcester one. She had some amazing experiences and interactions here, with the kids, with the year-round staff, with the summer counselors, with parents and Board members. There were exciting times when the campers were fully engaged in multiple activities, and less interesting times as when the campfire turned into a wildfire that called for emergency measures. Because of the move, Daph's older child was ready to plunge into another world. He was now in 9th grade and had his mind set on a boarding school near Philadelphia which, after somewhat tedious efforts, had offered a half scholarship. In a couple of years, the next one was ready to follow brother's footsteps and wanted admission to the same school. It took some real money but the best Daphne ever spent. She wanted the best for her kids and their efforts were rightly answered. Both children went on to good colleges, later to Grad schools (which they paid for themselves!) and are now professionals in their own lives.

Daphne receiving her US Citizenship (Circa 2012)

For Daphne, she was ready for a new adventure. The kids were out of the house, Daphne was free once again to pursue her world travels. But a new challenging job confronted her. The Intervale Foundation in Burlington, VT had acquired 700 acres of wetland between the Winooski River and Lake Champlain. It was an opportunity to use the land for organic farming, with a subsidy program for beginning farmers and included a commercial composting company to pay most of the non-profits expenses. Daphne worked as the Executive Director of that project from 96 to the end of 2000, when she handed it over to a fellow who she knew would do justice to the mission. In December of 2000, she joined her youngest studying in Pune, India, my home country. She has written some amazing stories and experiences during her visit there. As an Indian, I found them extra-ordinary.
In 2001, with no more college bills coming her way, she moved to Washington DC and got lucky with a small apartment right behind the Supreme Court. After sending out 47 resumes and no interviews, she got a job on submission of her 48th, as a teacher in a small Quaker-styled school for edgy teenagers. There she met a younger handsome British fellow, friend for life, who I've had the privilege of meeting also. He is getting married to his fiance Peter next year, and Daphne is officiating at the ceremony. Oh, and did I mention that Daphne also officiated at my wedding ceremony? Rob and I unanimously agreed to this. On her 70th Birthday, as her friends and family gathered around in a circle introducing themselves, Rob mentioned this fact, to which the witty Daphne cited - Rob is probably the only man I ever married!

Daphne in her kitchen, next to the wood stove, in her cozy Worcester house

Once a mother, always a mother. Even after kids grow older and the parent takes the role of a friend, circumstances revert their role to being a responsible parent and doing the right thing for their kids. Daphne faced those challenges with a bold heart and strong mind also. She retired from her job in 2010. In between years, saw the wedding in India of the older son to a New Yorker of Indian descent. It also saw the gender transition of the younger, now a happier person, though she sometimes still gets the pronoun wrong in conversation! 2010 was also the year when I met Daphne, through Cindy, my then homeshare and now a soul friend. Who would have thought that a 27-year old would be so influenced by the powerful women in Vermont?

the American saga - Daphne (Part 3)

In the year of 1969, famous for the man landing on moon breakthrough, Daphne chose USA to be her land of foray. She had been here before on the summer break, knew her way around, had heard about lots of interesting work going on here from her friends met in Europe. This could be one of her stop overs or this could be forever. At that time, she could not imagine staying forever, but she made sure she had the papers to do so. At that time, each country had a certain quota for people they would let in. The criteria were good qualifications and enough money to get there. Daphne arrived in NYC and went on to Cambridge, Massachusetts to stay with people she knew and find work.

Daphne (in purple): 1969 Summer ball at Bath University,UK

Her first job was as a Science teacher in a Prep school, it payed $5K per year, along with volunteering in some friends' alternative school. Later she worked as a counselor at a Crisis center. Things were not completely different from back home. Women were paid less compared to men, some were fired arbitrarily. She remembers a woman who got fired for being Jewish and fought a case in court against that. The outcome of that case was a settlement and the woman went on to become a principal in a Quaker school. Another instance of bias was when a Harvard engineer interviewed Daphne for a position, gave her the job, then fired her before she started. He had seen her wearing a mini skirt on the weekend.

Things were somewhat stable for Daphne in America that first year but culture shock was all around. She had thought to drive from the east to west coast in a Beetle car to explore more but what she saw was drugs everywhere and the anti-Vietnam movement (with which she she agreed) in full force. She turned back to England in 1970 but found it all too familiar. She went to Spain, then to France, then again took a boat to London. Her brothers came to pick her up at the port and that is when she learned that her mother had died in a car crash. She had been informed, but the letter never caught up with her. After staying in London for a few months, she decided to return, back to the United States.

This time, with a new fate, meeting a new face, in the same Cambridge town. John Flynn was a writer by choice and bartender by need. John was married 2 times earlier, knowing that, Daphne dated him for other reasons. He was smart, witty and impossible. John and Daph had dated for a couple of years when they decided to move to Vermont, in the year 1973. Daphne was an independent and capable woman who unlike most woman did not expect security from John. Her only expectation was that he take his half of the responsibility. The expected was largely unfulfilled, but she stayed, in hopes that things might change. They rented a country house and lived on. John was a very disciplined writer but had no published books yet. Daphne worked directing an alternative high school. Their social life included playing volleyball in Montpelier and watching the classic movie series every Friday (precursor to the good ol' Savoy theater). She and John chose to get pregnant and had their first child after 5 years together.

They circumvented the winter months by traveling to New Orleans and Florida in a VW bus while she was pregnant. John was finishing up a novel that year to be submitted soon. They were back in Vermont by springtime and Daphne broke her water on a Friday. When the hospital asked them to wait until the next day, Daph and John went to the movies that night. John sat down to finish his novel that night and mailed it in the morning, on their way to the hospital. They had the biggest baby born Northern Vermont at the time, in April of  '77. John's novel never got published but it did get him a scholarship to Boston University for a Masters in Creative Writing.
By that time, Daphne and John had had a jobs with CETA (Comprehensive Employment and Training Act). The project was to figure out why Vermont construction companies could not flourish during the winter like Quebec did. Since Daph was great with numbers, she organized all the data coming in from the interviewers and he wrote the report. It probably still sits on some shelf in the Governor's office.
The globetrotter Daphne had not given up on her love for travel. With the money she earned, she and the toddler went to see a brother then in South America. I would wonder how exciting of a trip it would be to travel with your one-year old. Meanwhile, John chose to go on a train trip throughout the States as he wrote a travel journal for Vermont Public Radio.
The year after Daphne had already started thinking of expanding her family. she wanted a sibling for her only child, and she wanted them to have the same father - which they did. Even though Daph and John had their ups and downs, Daphne was pregnant again in the year 1979. They lived in Maple Corners while Daphne worked costing out completed jobs for a Concrete Construction company. Her son was in a cooperative Day Care, started by Ginny, who's been a supportive friend ever since. The baby was born at the end of December, 1979, the year when it did not snow until later so getting to the hospital was easy.
Now Daphne had two children and nothing left to say to John. They stayed in the Woodbury apartment until the end of summer. the income was sparse, the times were hard. Daphne had a lot of headaches and health issues. John wrote all day in their cabin. She had to undergo a hernia operation when the baby was 6 months old. After she came home, she found mice all over the apartment, which meant the house was not looked after in her absence. Daphne knew this had to change.

End of summer, when John went to Boston University, Daphne tagged him along with the kids. But it was not working out. They had worn each other out. No one else was involved. Daphne came back to Vermont for Halloween with the kids and never went back. Although it was always that way, she truly began her journey as a single parent, community built family.

In a warm Worcester cottage, she tells her story - Daphne Part 2

Our blog was on a long hiatus, but finally there is an entry amongst our women beyond success. The prelude has given a small introduction of here life. To quench the rest of your curiosity, here is a brief biography of Daphne Makinson. 

Daphne was born on July 30, 1945, in Brighton, a town on the south coast of England, just 6 weeks after the end of World War II. Food rationing was to last until she was seven.

Her mother's name was Lavinia Jones who influenced her throughout her life, despite dying relatively early. Daphne saw a good marriage between her maternal grandparents who lived 10 miles away, but not among the next generation. Daphne's father was from an emotionally austere family and had lost his sister to TB at 12. He was a cabinet maker and her mom was a nurse and an artist.

Lavinia and Mak married each other at 23 after 5 years of courting. Their first child was stillborn, the next two were boys named Hugh and Colin and third was the baby girl Daphne. In 1948, the family moved back to the east coast to Felixstowe and opened an art shop. The house they lived in was huge, but difficult to maintain, just one fireplace in 15 rooms. Daphne and I tried to find pictures of that house in old photographs and books. She was able to find the street pictures, and one picture of half of the house as it was being demolished in 1969.

With her Father, Mother, Brothers, Grandmother holding baby Daphne 

Daphne and her brothers went to the same school and they loved it. There was a public exam given when each child was 10-11 years of age to determine their academic schooling that they then went to until they were 15, 16 or 18. They either went to Grammar school or the Secondary Modern school depending on their grades. Daphne was into sports as much as she was into academics. She played field hockey and netball (a kind of women's basketball).

Felixstowe had all 4 seasons, but it was wet and rainy for the most part. They mostly swam in the North Sea, worked in the art shop, hung out with friends in coffee shops and as teenagers went to many dances. Religion was not a major part of their childhood, nor later.

Daphne's first memory is being carried on her Uncle's shoulders when they were moving into their new house in Felixstowe. The house had been vacant for 15 years and there was a sink full of spiders. Their parents had to clean and paint the house, starting from the top down. The children had clean new bedrooms that they called Fairyland. The house also had a concrete yard and stables in the back.

Daphne's father was temperamental and was financially stressed. When Daphne was 13, their father took a job as a teacher, 30 miles away from their house. He would come home on the weekends and work all week. Then after one Christmas, he never came back. 

When Daph was 15, their mother had to be operated on due to varicose veins, and that operation landed her a job as a nurse, in that hospital. The art shop was closed and the brothers were in college by that time and helped when they came home. When Daph was 16, her mother suggested she might have to drop out of school. Daphne said No, her brothers got a chance to go to college, so would she. End of conversation.

Her eldest brother, Hugh, used to work as a Mining Engineer but returned to Felixstowe to help their mom financially, then joined the Air Force. Her second brother Colin became a Civil Engineer, She was 18 when she moved out of that house. She found a job in London as a Computer Programmer through newspaper job advertisements and a year later went to the University of East Anglia, just established in Norwich.

Their mother, Lavinia, was offered a job as matron of a group home in the West Country, Somerset, where she later moved her mother also. That year, Daphne and the others left the old house for good.

In the year of 1963, when Daphne worked for Central Electricity Generating Company, when computers were as big as rooms, she met her life long English-Chinese girlfriend - Christine. They celebrated 50 years of friendship not long ago.

Young and sassy Daphne in the big city of London. For fun, they went dancing at the London School of Economics, often with her second brother Colin (who at that time lived down the street) until they closed down the dancehall when JFK was shot. They heard the news on the neighbors' radio, through the walls as they didn't have one of their own.

As a child, Daphne wanted to go to Australia, since the fare only cost around 10 pounds if you stayed for at least 2 years. That changed when she came to London, got State grants that helped her through college and she got her Bachelor's degree in Mathematics. She chose not to be an engineer because in those days they never sent a woman to work on-site. Also as a child she always wanted to travel, that did not change, and every summer during her college years, she traveled far and wide. Summer of 1965, at the end of first year in college, she hitch-hiked in pairs with 3 other girls who met every third day to check-in with each other. They went to Switzerland, Italy, Greece, Yugoslavia and Austria. End of second year in '66 she got a deal, $99 for 99 days on Greyhound buses in America and came to NYC for the first time. By bus, Daphne traveled around 17K miles in 3 months. The third summer was when she graduated and she went to Europe again; France, Spain and Portugal. After that break, she came back to England to work for British Aircraft Corporation - building Concord - the supersonic passenger plane that would fly the Atlantic in 3 hours. Her job was quite thrilling - Daph converted Fortran2 to COBOL Code in a program to test if the wings would fall off when the plane went supersonic. The department was called Mathematical Services for engineers and had 25 men and 1 woman. For some this would be the place to be, but Daphne found it boring - the people there either worked or pretended to when they weren't busy. She was looking for a way out.

In the winter of 1968, she quit to join her brothers (and his friends) on a ski trip. There were 2 women, the other being Patricia, who later married Hugh. I met Pat this summer when she was visiting Daphne in Vermont after Hugh's demise. Pat claims that at that time, Daphne said that she (Daphne) would have 2 children and would not marry. Exactly how it turned out. 

After the ski trip, she went on to live in Spain for that winter. Spain is where she met her second longest running friend Myra, from New York. Also, in her earlier visit to Portugal during summer months, Daphne had met a young man who she returned to this time. She traveled to Morocco then back to Portugal where he was at university. Daph was 23 and he was 27, they had hopes and dreams for the future. They planned to travel, teach and go  to Angola, where his family now lived. The plans fell apart when the Portuguese boyfriend died of a congenital heart problem. Daphne came back to England.

It was a Friday when she came back to Oxford and interviewed for a teaching position that same day. A teacher had left to play cricket for England and on the Monday, she started the job at an all boys Grammar School teaching Physics and Applied Math. With that job, came the idea to get a further degree (equivalent to Master of Arts in Teaching) which allowed you to teach anywhere in the world, which opened her avenues to the land of United States of America.